Is it just me or has there been a gradual trend towards actually good family coasters of late? Of course Disney lead the way: we had Seven Dwarfs Mine Train back in 2014, and more recently the Frozen themed Wandering Oaken's Sliding Sleighs but I've noticed other attractions are following suit. LEGOLAND Windsor Resort here in the UK just opened the actually-really-fun-for-a-kids-coaster Minifigure Speedway, Drayton Manor are opening a 'launched family thrill coaster' at some point this year and even Universal have given some TLC to their Vekoma junior coaster as part of their Dreamworks land project.
Of course, there have always been family coasters, but of late it seems that it's no longer acceptable to just slap in a Big Apple and call it a day like parks used to. No - now there has to be theming, a storyline, some cool custom trains and maybe even a dark ride section. Simultaneous to this, I've also noticed a step away from the low budget kiddie dark ride. These days our dark rides seem to go all out, erring on a 'proper' thrill experience, leaving behind the classic Pretzel dark ride style that was a staple in many a park for years.
There's been a notable step up in the family attraction product in general, and of course that comes with innovation and tech development, but when cheaper alternatives are available it's got me wondering why we're seeing this shift.
As a society, attention spans have decreased, especially for children, with studies suggested that this shift has been most noticeable post-covid. I also think with social media showing us everything everywhere all at once, we're much more critical and picky than we used to be: we no longer settle for something 'fine' and instead seek out the best of the best experiences because with so many products competing for our attention at all times, experiencing something that's less than perfect feels like a waste of precious time and funds that could have been spent doing something better.
Family attractions are also competing with the ever-present iPad. When designing family attractions nowadays, creators must ask themselves the question: is this experience something they can't get anywhere else, and is this two minutes spent on my ride better than two minutes spent in front of an iPad watching CocoMelon? Arguably the formerly acceptable crappy but still fun dark ride with blacklit scenes and MDF cut outs no longer fits the bill, and the alternative eg. fully fleshed out dark rides with animatronics, SFX, narrative, theme song, etc are very costly and therefore largely reserved for the bigger spenders in the industry or as once-in-a-generation projects.
But you know what CAN compete with CocoMelon? And can also be enjoyed as a group experience vs. parents gritting their teeth through some nightmare-fuel fairytale boat ride? Rollercoasters.
Even if the coaster is fairly stripped back in terms of theming etc, there's no denying the thrill a coaster provides, even smaller thrills like you'd find on a family coaster, are way better than any enjoyment the family dark rides of previous generations could ever hope to deliver. And family coasters can do so much now: they launch, they spin, they go backwards, some of them even go upside down! It essentially, as most things do, boils down to simple economics: how much fun per £ can I deliver with my next investment. For a dark ride with today's short attention spans and high expectations, you're looking at spending a hell of a lot more for your investment vs. a coaster of a similar or lower price for arguably a much lower return on the fun factor.
And then if you're Disney or Universal or are just feeling particularly flush that year, you combine the two. Dark ride scenes combined with the family coaster thrills so your riders can have their cake and eat it too. It's a win win situation for those who have the capital.
Personally, I adore a janky old dark ride with their musty smells and clumsy animatronics. But truthfully, as an enthusiast for that sort of thing I know I'm a niche audience and that sort of thing just won't fly with the families of today. So whilst it's sad we're slowly seeing the erosion of this kind of attraction in our parks, I'm more than happy with the family coaster boom we're seeing today and my excitement grows with each innovation and new investment. And of course, more creds for me.
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What do you think? Is there a place for classic style dark rides with today's modern family or is the trend towards family coaster investments the right way to go? Let me know in the comments, I'd love to have a chat!
Talk later xoxo,
Have Family Coasters Replaced The Family Dark Ride?
As much as a lot of my love for theme parks is rooted in childhood nostalgia, I've personally never been one of those enthusiasts who pines for the 'good old days' whenever a park dares to remove an older attraction in favour of adding something more up to date and new. I absolutely appreciate a classic attraction, but I also understand that parks have a finite amount of space, and I'd much rather something exciting and new to enjoy rather than watching something rot into an almost unrecognisable version of its former self.
But, despite my praise of innovation and new product development, there is something I've noticed of late. Everything feels just a little too polished and perfect. With the development of technology, theme park designers now have the ability to 'build' attractions in a virtual space using architectural progammes and such to physically see exactly what is going to come to fruition in real life. And whilst that's fantastic from a spend, efficiency and planning perspective, what it does do is remove any opportunity for happy accidents or whimsical little imperfections that add a depth of character and personality about a place.
There's charm in weirdness. There's intrigue in animatronics whose faces slip into uncanny valley territory, whose janky movements evoke a feeling reminiscent of a more humble period of themed attraction development, where creators were more 'hands-on' and could physically pour more of their own heart, soul and passion into creating something. A step that the perfectionism that comes with tecnological advancement has largely left a lot of modern attractions devoid of.
My number one example of this that comes to mind is Marvel Avengers Campus at the Walt Disney Studios park in Paris. The land is crisp, modern and flashy, with chrome and mirror wall details, punctuated with subtle neon lighting. It also looks like it wouldn't be out of place in a new build shopping mall, or real life college campus. It doesn't feel like magic could happen around any corner, and even when we do meet Spiderman and the Spider-bots, or see Dr. Strange open a portal, it somehow doesn't feel like we're witnessing the impossible because the setting itself is coded as real world modern architecture as opposed to something other-worldly and wonderful. It feels like we're in something created by boring old humans because it's designed to look as such. And isn't that inherently the opposite of what the point of theme parks is?
It's not all bad news though - parks where fantasy and fairytales are at the heart of their brand DNA seem to have finessed the craft of creating new attractions that take advantage of modern theme park technologies whilst maintaining a classic style that retains a lot of that nostalgic oddness we all seem to assimilate with. Of course I'm talking about Efteling, first and foremost here. The park are very protective of their specific brand style, inspired by the incredible Anton Pieck, and as such there's a vein of consistent weirdness that travels through each and everyone one of their attractions.
At Efteling, you can see rides that are decades old next to rides that are still fairly new, and one can easily identify that these are part of the same parcel. Symbolica, for example, contains characters with bizarre and almost grotesque, contorted faces that feel classic and old-school, but the ride tech and special effects are high-tech and new (comparatively). It's the perfect example of an attraction that blends all the benefits of modern theme park design and technology without forgetting their brand essence and classic theme park magic and tricks that people fell in love with in the first place.
And that's where I think we're starting to fall down. Theme park SHOULD be weird. They should contain things that make you go 'what the hell was that?' Because its amusing to be slightly weirded out. It's amusing when things are slightly odd and off kilter. It makes us smile because it's unusual and unexpected, and there's such joy to be found in attractions that do that. Theme parks should be full of hidden nooks and crannies for us to discover, filled with hidden characters and effects, little moments that populate the inbetween spaces with moments of wonder and opportunity, and that utilise tech to amplify that amusement as opposed to just because the tech is cool and new.
Ultimately, I believe in order to achieve truly timeless attractions that will appeal to theme park goers decades later as those old, janky things still do for a lot of us now, we need to ensure that we're creating attractions that utilise the entire toolkit available, not just the shiny new tech. A blend of classic tried-and-true techniques combined with new tech in instances where it amplifies and enhances the product as opposed to just using it for the sake of it, combined with honouring the park's inherent brand style and DNA seems to me a sure-fire way to avoid more soulless Avengers Campus style theme park additions in the future, protecting the weirdness and whimsy of our most beloved parks for decades to come.
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What do you think? Do you love all things hi-tech and new or do you appreciate a crusty old animatronic that doesn't move quite right like I do? Let me know in the comments, I'd love to have a chat!
Talk later xoxo,
Are Theme Parks Too Perfect These Days?
Having returned from yet another visit to my favourite theme park in the world, Phantasialand, I am once again reeling at the near perfection of the place. In a world where a lot of theme parks are derivative and either stacked with IP or take 'inspiration' from one another, every time I leave I am blown away at just how special and unique Phantasialand is. The place oozes originality and works to inspire awe from every facet, from immersive hotel experiences to coasters that are equal parts thrilling and themed - it really does have it all.
Or does it? Often I am blinkered by my fangirl goggles when it comes to Phantasialand. Having visited the park consistently for coming on fifteen years now I've watched the very fabric of the landscape change and grow with investment after investment of world-beating new attractions. Which means that whilst a lot of the park is nigh on perfection, it's also had the adverse effect of really casting a spotlight on the areas that need bringing in line with the rest of the place. Here's five things I'd change about Phantasialand.
And to caveat, this is naive, uneducated, blue sky thinking, unhindered by the realities of planning permission, aggy locals, parks budgets and timelines etc. Join me as a I dream, for just a sec.
OK let's start off big. With eight coasters of varying size and variety, I do think that actually, the park's coaster offering is solid. It doesn't feel like it's lacking anything in that department, with everything from great family coasters to intense, excellently themed thrill coasters, it's 10/10 no notes. But the dark ride line-up is a different story.
Don't get me wrong, I adore Maus au Chocolat and its quaint whimsy, and Geister Rikchsa's unhinged popping animatronics and non-sensical narrative, but the park is missing something we've seen very much on the rise in other parks and that is a thrill-lead dark ride. But I'm not talking something heavily screen-based like something you'd find in Universal Orlando - but something with more animatronics and gorgeous set dressing and theming. The park used to be wall-to-wall animatronic-laden dark ride and show experiences, so it's very much in their bones to be able to deliver something like that and I feel like it would round off the attraction line-up to near perfection.
I very recently tweeted that I hope the park never touch Wuze Town, and by that I mean the essence of Wuze Town. That sensation you get just by being in there that feels like waking up from a dream you can only half remember. I have no idea how they've managed to capture that, but they have and it's special so we can leave that well alone.
But, being in there I feel like there's things we could do to elevate it. To further perfect something that's already close to it. I'm talking closing off some of the more open areas, replacing some of the tatty and sun-washed fabrics, adding animatronics and moving parts. Something I've praised lands like Rookburgh and Klugheim for is the way the theming feels like the lands are lived in, which subsequently leaves us guests feeling like players in an RPG. Phantasialand don't tell us the story, they simply give us the landscape and let us have our own adventure. That's half-way there in Wuze Town but they really upped their game with more recent additions and I feel like some of those learnings need to be leant to bringing this liminal fantasy land in line with the rest of the park.
I know, collectively we all agree that the main entrance of the park is wildly at odds with the thematic aesthetic of the inside of Phantasialand. I also know we all know the park are incredibly limited for space in the immediate area for parking and the like. So my suggestion is bulldoze the whole thing as it is. Rebuild the main entrance into something worthy of calling itself the gateway to the best themed park in the world rather than somewhere that feels like a teenager is going to push his mixtape on me. Create something the House of the Five Senses would be jealous of.
And, instead of having car parks on site, have a park and ride system somewhere nearby instead. Build a big ol' ugly mega multi-story car park in the nearby area and run cool themed busses to and from this to protect that bubble of immersion. Honestly, exiting the fantastical worlds within the park gates to immediately be hit with ugly urban 70s style architecture is a jolting slap to the face and not fair to the experiences the park has to offer, especially if you're not luckly enough to extend your stay at one of the Resort hotels.
As previously mentioned, Phantasialand has a historical love story with animatronic laden dioramas and fairytale scenes, and over the years as bigger and better ideas have come along those have now largely disappeared from the park. I know Efteling is only down the road and they're arguably the best in the business at the whole fairytale forest thing, but given Phantasialand's experience with the artform and their now serious wealth of knowledge with developing their own themed worlds and stories, I think they could give them a serious run for their money.
As much as I adore the park, given the limited space to work with, every inch of the park is wall to wall packed with incredible theming, kinetic energy, gorgeous soundtracks and the sound of guests enjoying the whole thing. What it lacks is respite from that - somewhere to just take a beat and recover from the overwhelming awe of the place and I feel a revived Marchenwald in the modern Phantasialand style would be the perfect remedy to balance this.
And finally, the merch. My god the merch is, for lack of a better word, appalling. As mentioned, I've been visiting the park for almost fifteen years at this point, and I kid you not they're still selling a lot of the same things they were back when I first darkened their doorway. It's just...crap. It's nonsensical. It's tat nobody in their right mind would want - obsessed with dragon characters in a way that the rest of the park doesn't seem to be. It needs a serious overhaul - gotta throw the whole Haus of Dragons away and start from scratch. As much as I love laughing at how crap it is, I would love to spend more money with the park on things I'd actually like as mementos of my visits to my favourite park in the world and I know I'm not alone in this.
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So, what do you think of my ideas? Anything else you'd suggest? Anything I've suggested that you disagree with? Let me know in the comments, I'd love to have a chat!
Talk later xoxo,
5 Things I'd Change About Phantasialand
Another year, and a fresh horizon of brand new coasters and theme parks to get out there and explore. Usually I love January for that very reason as it's an opportunity to cosy up and get stuck into trip planning, but between going away for New Year's, getting engaged, celebrated Sam's birthday, getting my car fixed and heading to Phantasialand this weekend, I feel like I haven't had time to stop, let alone sit down and map out what the year ahead looks like. Until now, I suppose. There's also a lot on the horizon for us in 2024, so the reality is I don't know which of these trips will actually go ahead or not and as always everything is subject to *gestures widely at the universe that has a nasty habit of throwing spanners in the works of late*.
2024 Most Anticipated Coasters
Going into 2023 was a weird one for me. Exhausted from the intense ridiculousness that was a yeqr of epic travel across the USA & Europe in 2022, I knew I was never going to top it for variety and breadth of experience. I'd usually enter each year with a stringent plan of what I'd like to do, where I'd like to visit and what new creds I'd like to get on for the year ahead, to the point of militancy and making myself ill trying to make it happen, or worse being absolutely distraught if plans fell through. I entered 2023 with an eerie calm, a blank canvas of possible trips awaited and for once I allowed myself the freedom of just going with the flow and seeing where the year took me, and subsequently it's been an absolutely blinding mixed-bag of revisiting old favourites, sharing experiences with Sam for the first time and really getting out of my comfort zone. This is what my 2023 in theme parks looked like!
2023 Season In Review
Our second haunt of the weekend last week took us to the excellent FEAR Scream Park, located in the South West of the UK just outside of Bristol. This was my third time visiting this event, with two new attractions since I last darkened their doorways back in 2021 so I was very excited to see how things had changed in just a few short years.
Similarly to Tulley's Shocktoberfest, FEAR has a very 'music festival' vibe in its setup - with the entire park itself dotted with pop up bars, streetfood and bonfires giving the whole place that delicious crisp Octobery smell throughout the whole event. Fitting, as the event are known for their iconic fire show which clearly inspired many a UK scream park after they debuted theirs, and it's something that still draws crowds years on, albeit with updated visuals and music nowadays, courtesy of the legendary Archie Music.
Something that always stands out to me about FEAR is the atmosphere they create. Their roaming street team of deranged freak show residents torture guests wandering through trying to make their way from maze to maze so the air is punctuated with shrieks followed by maniacal clown laughter. That combined with the bonfire smell, lights and flames in the air and a great soundtrack is an absolute treat and it's hard not to just wander around soaking up the vibe.
But of course, there are haunts to talk about! As always I'll review these in the order we experienced them and my spooky pumpkin factor is based on how scary I found the attraction overall.
My first new-for-me attraction at FEAR was The Exorcism. Going in blind promptly at 18.15PM that evening, I knew nothing about this thing other than it wasn't a horror maze and it's been widely praised by scare enthusiasts across the country, so I was very eagerly to discover what awaited within.
I want to try not to spoil this too much because honestly, sitting in there knowing nothing of what was to come is arguably what made it so very excellent to me. Essentially you're taken off in small groups and sit in a dark attic room accompanied by a priest, a nun and some poor soul strapped to a bed possessed by some sort of demon, and we witness an exorcism play out. And oh my god, it is the most scared I've been in a scare attraction in years. The small cast of just three actors were excellent at playing off of each other and very convincingly delivered the entire unholy scene - I was absolutely captivated by all three of them.
It's the intimacy that makes The Exorcism so terrifying. Small groups in a fairly large, very dark room leaves you feeling extremely exposed, and the way all three of the actors move around the room amongst the set pieces and the shadows combined with the way we're sat in a circle means you really do not know where they're going to come from next.
There's also a ton of excellent special effects in there that amplify the already terrifying scene playing out before us - again I won't go into detail as I don't want to spoil anything but there were some serious WOW moments that had my jaw on the floor. Given this is the attraction's second season I'm very surprised we haven't seen these pop up elsewhere in the UK as we know how scare attractions love to inpsire one another!
I really can't praise The Exorcism enough. It's got hauntingly beautiful set-design, mind-blowing special effects, brilliant actors and above all, it's absolutely petrifying. Kudos to FEAR for doing something so excellent and for bringing something so original and unique to the UK scare circuit, it really is a jewel.
A kind of sister (pun intended) attraction to The Exorcism, Malefica sees us enter the belly of the Sisters of Mercy Church which is unfortunately overrun by the tortured souls of the sisters who met their tragic end in the flames. Why are nuns so bloody spooky? I don't know why but they really are. Winding deeper and deeper through the excavation site of the church itself we move through several rooms within the church - a crypt where a nun literally crawled out of a wall in front of me and fell at my feet which was absolutely vile, a congregation of creatures sat waiting in the pews for us to squeeze past and the finale - which again I will not spoil but it's an absolute showstopper.
The team at FEAR really understand how to create a spectacle in their attractions and the ending of Malefica is a testament to that - again it had us WOWing our way through the screams as we made our way to the exit.
The next three mazes we did, VITA NOVA, X4 and The Core, live in a slightly separate 'land' within the park known as the Republic of England - an alternate timeline where a dictatorial totalitarian government reminiscent of George Orwell's 1984 have taken over and are enforcing their horrific regime. Again - I'm very surprised we haven't seen other scream parks do this because it's just another way FEAR elevates itself thematically away from other UK scare attractions and goes that extra mile with their storytelling, which I feel really amplifies the impact of the mazes themselves.
Anyway - VITA NOVA! I think on my Instagram story I said it's like The Smiler meets the current government and I stand by that. It's not post-apocalyptic, but it is sci-fi in the same way that things like Brazil and Clockwork Orange are. Uncanny in that it feels similar to our current timeline but just a tine bit too fantastical to be non-fiction.
VITA NOVA is very unique in its theme - all bright neon lights, stark white walls and mirrors. It feels very dystopian and futuristic in there, bleak and soulless juxtaposed with the over the top, intense and sickly smiles of the residents within reminding us to take our VITA NOVA so we can live in a state of Euphoria in the Republic of England. It's sadly so disturbing because it really hits home in the current climate, and even more so because you largely experience this attraction alone as you're split up at the start! It's not intense jump scares like Malefica, more a slow burn of an overwhelming sense of dread that creeps up on you throughout.
When I say FEAR do things differently, no attraction exemplifies this more than The Core. Set within an abandoned sewage plant, this maze is unique in that guests have to don waders as some scenes are submerged in water. Yep, you read that right.
Sadly, I'm one of what I assume is the minority of FEAR guests who have experienced Below at Walibi Holland's Fright Nights which I believe inspired The Core, so wearing waders in a horror maze was not a first for me and so some of the novelty factor was lost there but that is speaking for me personally. I am very glad to see something so different like this available for us to enjoy right here in the UK and I will always appreciate a maze that completely turns the horror attraction formula on its head like The Core does.
The Core is a beautiful attraction - it feels incredibly real, like we really are submerged in sewers underground. It's really hard to believe that this is all a set created just for us and it's a testament to how the set design at FEAR just gets better and better with every attraction. Storywise this one wasn't my favourite as I did find it hard to follow, but to be honest I may very well have been so distracted by the whole putting on waders and getting in the water thing that I missed half of the exposition. I do feel like the maze just ends without any kind of major finale moment like some of the other haunts at FEAR have, but again I was having so much fun trudging through each scene that I was sad to see the (literal) light at the end of the tunnel.
I remember the X4 marketing campaign so well that this maze has become kind of iconic to me. I loooove me an alien maze, and I don't actually think they're utilised enough at scare events. Please can aliens become to new obligatory clown maze, or do not enough people find aliens as pant-wettingly terrifying as I do?
Anyway, once again the FEAR team really go out of their way to ensure that what could be a run-of-the-mill straightforward haunt into something way more theatrical. We walk through scenes of scientists testing in labs, we see the alien test subject behind bars as a security breach plays out (I will say here I do miss the original Extra-Terrorestrial inspired scene here...), we board a Sub-Terra style elevator that takes us underground, we're forced to blindly navigate one of those horrendous fog chambers. It's all these little things that work together to ensure X4 is not only memorable in its own right, but that it has it's own distinct flavour from the rest of the attractions at FEAR, even if it also falls under the Republic of England sub-plot of the scream park.
I know I'm like a broken record at this point, but I always feel the need to caveat that clown mazes really don't do it for me, and I know I'm in the minority vs. the general public who love themselves a creepy clown show. House of Clowns is fun - for me the most memorable part is the ridiculously catchy soundtrack and the really gorgeous hand-painted wall graphics. It's a hoot to bounce through after the more intense attractions in the park, so it's one I always try to keep until the end, as a bit of light-hearted dessert after the horrors.
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So yes, another absolute slam dunk of a year for FEAR. It's easy to see why this scream park gets so much praise and it's genuinely exciting to wonder what they're going to do next as they always come with something completely new and out of the box. The variety of the attractions at FEAR is second to none in the UK and if you're looking for more innovative, inventive haunts that do things you haven't seen anywhere else and you haven't already then I implore you to visit FEAR Scream Park. It's like nothing else we have in this country.
Have you visited Fear Scream Park before? What is your favouroite haunt? Let me know in the comments, I'd love to have a chat!
Talk later xoxo,