Attraction Review: SCREAMS!

After more than a decade of doing this now, as much as I love getting back to my old favourites year-in, year-out, there's something about visiting a new-for-me event that just hits differently. Located at Thornton Hall Country Park on the Lancashire/Yorkshire border, SCREAMS! opened its doors as a brand-new Halloween event last weekend, promising the ultimate Halloween night out including food, drink and live music in the SCREAMS! arena as well as roaming scare actors and, of course, three fresh scare attractions for us to scream our heads off inside. 

The location, which has previously hosted other Halloween events like Screamfields, is idyllic. It's what I would call a 'family fun farm' by day with the usual cute animals to pet, playground equipment and tractor rides but because the grounds and location are so lush they also host a lot of weddings and things too. The whole place just has a 'premium' feel about it, especially with the three horror mazes which are brand-spanking new and purpose-built for this very reason as opposed to being housed in a repurposed shed or outbuilding (not that there's anything wrong with that of course!)

The atmosphere was great from the minute we entered - you're greeted by fireballs shooting into the air and live music welcomes you through into the SCREAMS! arena. I was a little worried that with just three haunts to get through we weren't going to be here long, but the arena is the perfect place to hang out before, after or in-between to debrief over a pint about what you've just endured. 

This is also where we first met some of the 'colourful' characters in the roaming team - a reminder from the minute you start chatting to them that this is indeed an 18+ event as they are not at all courteous or kind with their topics of conversation, but very entertaining for it. The costuming is great too - it's not the basic scary clown or twin dolls etc that you've seen before, everything just feels more elevated and theatrical which is nice as a break from the standard scream park set menu. 


First house of the night for us was Malkin Manor. Joined by infamous haunted location explorers The Haunt Hackers, we enter the depths of the legendary Malkin Manor to uncover the truth behind the Manor's cursed legacy. Firstly - the facade of this thing is stunning. All lit up and glowing in ghostly purples, pinks and blues with lighting and smashed window effects, it does a fantastic job of setting the scene and immersing you into the Malkin Manor legend before even entering the building. I've noticed a trend recently of attractions putting more effort into their facades which is great to see and Malkin Manor is a stand-out in this. 

The creeps and spooks begin in the pre-show itself, with glimpses of ghostly figures appearing as the lead vlogger relays his spiel of what we're about to get into - then it's one giant jump scare and we're into the house itself. And it is beautiful - if you love a haunted house aesthetic this is absolutely the one for you - all ornate gothic/Victorian furniture, elaborate wallpapering and ghostly curtains and veils. 

The scares come thick and fast without feeling chaotic or without direction. The actors were very good, everybody had a part to play and was exactly where they should be without it feeling too scripted like, say, a Halloween Horror Nights house might. And with good reason - the scare attractions at SCREAMS! are mazes in the very real sense. Given the reduced space within which to work, the design of the house means you'll find yourself in multiple dead ends, wandering back through rooms you've already been through and maybe even genuinely finding yourself a bit lost. Not only is it a fantastic use of the space but also adds an extra layer of peril, as if being ambushed by various poltergeist wasn't enough to keep you on your toes. Brilliant. 


Next up was Jinxed where we're invited to head backstage at a New Orleans Mardi Gras style carnival lead by Jinx himself: New Orlean's most terrifying jester! Look, I appreciate you have to give the people what they want, and for some reason for the most of the horror-loving Great British public what they want is scary clowns. Year in, year out, scary clowns, forever and always. But what I always love is when an attraction takes note of this, and makes sure they do something different with it so we're not just seeing the same old thing that's been done a hundred times before. The SCREAMS! team have delivered something unique in Jinxed: it's giving American Horror Story: Freak Show meets Mardi Gras and I am absolutely here for that in every way possible. 

The sets are gorgeous - really beautifully dressed with a vibrant Mardi Gras colour scheme that somehow never feels tacky. The creatures within are truly grotesque too - just when you think you've seen every scary clown mask going, here's SCREAMS! with faces and shapes I've never seen before. I really loved the classic 'freak side show poster' vinyls for the disorienting maze portion instead of the red and white flaps we're used to seeing. 

There's a ton of unusual shapes and use of space here too: one minute we're rounding an octagonal tent setup, next we're near enough scaling up the walls fun-house style. It's totally disorienting and once again, loads of fun to get lost inside - unhinged clown fun-house with a bit more grit and edge to it.


Which leads us nicely on to our finale horror maze of the night and arguably SCREAMS! masterpiece: the formidable Blackmarket. Even the name is terrifying - it's short, sharp and to the point, sinister but understated, revealing just enough to get your heart racing but holding enough cards close to its chest that you have literally no idea what's going to happen in there, only that it's going to be bad. 

Queueing for this thing and watching each person who enters before you pathetically turfed out the other end, a shell of their former self, is both excellent queueline entertainment and horrific foreshadowing. I could spend hours just hanging out at the exit to witness each person's reaction to what the hell just happened to them. 

Themed around the trade of human meat, Blackmarket takes us on a journey through a gritty underground rave that all goes a bit Hostel and we find ourselves bagged up, bound and dragged along an actual abbatoir conveyer belt, hands above head. Oh, and whilst all this is going on you're being mercilessly berated by the faceless goons inflicting this misery upon you. It's degrading, heart-palpatating stuff and something I've never before experienced in a horror maze, and something I was very excited to get to do given how rare it is these days for me to try something new in one of these things. 

For me it was 'extreme' in the right way - they leave you wandering aimlessly and then standing alone cluelessly just long enough for your heart to begin beating rapidly, palms sweating. It blurs the line between actual degradation and torture artfully - anything more and it would be too much for many to endure, anything less you'd be in the zone of overhype. It's a fantastic attraction, and one I feel everyone will be talking about with regards to scare season 2024. 

Devastatingly we completely missed the Pumpkin Patch, which anyone who knows me really stung once we'd left and its existence was brought to my attention as I'd have very much liked a moonlit wander through the haybales!

And that was it for our night at SCREAMS! Considering this is opening year of a new event started from scratch it's incredibly strong. What the team have achieved in just a year is nothing short of phenomenal work - three excellent, high quality mazes, all with a different flavour of fear to cater for all tastes. And from what I understand, this is just the beginning - I have high expectations for what we'll see next from the team at Thornton Hall but for now, if you haven't already please do try and squeeze in a visit to SCREAMS! this year before the event finishes on October 31st. Tickets are only £20 which is an absolute bargain in my opinion for some of the best and most innovative haunts I've seen in the UK this year.

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Have you visited SCREAMS! already this year? Or maybe you went to one of Thornton Hall's previous events like Screamfields? Let me know your thoughts in the comments, I'd like to have a chat!

Talk later xoxo,

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