Every Cedar Point Coaster Ranked

Cedar Point was the park on our recent American road trip that I was most anxious about visiting. Yes, anxious, not excited. After doing this stupid hobby for so long and having not visited such a juggernaut of a park, I was worried for so many reasons. What if a major cred spites me? What if it's absolutely heaving and we're stuck in queues all day for hours? What if we don't manage every coaster? What if...(and this is the worst one) I don't like it? After having this park at the number one spot on my must-visit bucket list I was worried Cedar Point had ended up on a pedestal on unachievable expectations that would lead me to be disappointed.

I'm very happy to note that not only were NONE of my fears realised, but I absolutely bloody loved the park (the fab Dollywood style end as opposed to the coasters-on-concrete midway end but still). Most of the coasters were pretty fun and y'all weren't lying about this park being home to multiple best-in-the-world rides. In a word, the place is extraordinary. Given that there are soooo many creds here I was surprised when we found ourself at 7PM on our first day at the park having ridden every single one available to us (didn't get the kiddie but whatevs) with two hours of ride time to spare! WE even managed some re-rides on day one which is something I never expected. Anyway, I guess what I'm saying is we had plenty of time to ride everything as much as we wanted, and as such I have some OPINIONS I wanted to share. What are my favourite coasters at Cedar Point? Which were overrated? Which were dull? So what better way to get my feelings across than by ranking every coaster at the park? Here we go!

16. Woodstock Express
What's to say, it's a standard Vekoma junior coaster model, there are 27 others like it in the world. It was fine.

15. Iron Dragon
Obviously I'm a huge fan of Vampire and we'd ridden Bat just a few days before in Kings Island which was an absolute scream, so imagine my disappointment when we rode Iron Dragon. I love the way it looks, gliding across the water with all the mist going off. Theoretically it should be mega fun so what the hell happened? So dull and forceless.

14. Cedar Creek Mine Ride
I had a really fun time on this coaster. Obviously it gets weird points for being a hybrid and for its age it still packs a bit of a punch, but it does suffer from that early Arrow thing where the ride delivers slightly too many laterals my its own good. I wonder if there were ever plans to enclose this in a mountain or something, Big Thunder style? I feel like with some extra external theming and tunnels etc this would be a real gem.

13. Blue Streak
So fun! The way it snakes around the very edge of the park and around the back of the buildings reminded me very much of Blue Flyer at Blackpool Pleasure Beach. Given its age and size it was kind of surprising just how much speed and airtime this coaster delivered, it was really, really fun and is the kind of coaster I could see myself always making time for if Cedar Point were local to me.

12. Valravn
The only reason this coaster isn't bottom of the list is because I couldn't be arsed with arguing about it. But my god this coaster was fucking dreadful. And I LOVE me a B&M dive coaster - Oblivion is one of my favourite coasters in the UK and I will yell at the top of my lungs the virtues of fabulous Yukon Striker. So what the fuck happened here? The drop was completely forceless and the rest of the layout is so horrendously vibraty that I came off with a horrendous headache and had to sit down. Trash coaster, burn it.

11. Corkscrew
I always brace myself like crazy on this old school Arrow loopers, but on this ride we were lucky enough to nab a front row ride and it was actually a lot of fun - crazy airtime on the first hill and intense but not too forceful inversions throughout. A classic.

10. Rougarou
For a coaster I've heard nothing but trash talk for, I actually thought Rougarou was pretty fun! Given it would probably have been a different story with the stand-up trains but I really had a lot of fun on this coaster - it reminded me a little of a more compact Kumba and was a great example of the forceful and fun coasters that B&M were capable of once upon a time. At any other park this would be a headline attraction, just a shame it gets overshadowed here.

9. Wicked Twister
Wicked Twister was our third Intamin impulse coaster of the trip, but no less awesome for it. Y'all know I love an Intamin launch coaster, and the impulse design is a fun way of delivering that thrill in a compact yet still fun way. I have no idea why I enjoy these coasters so much, but we every time we came off of one on the trip I was beaming from ear to ear and feeling such a rush - Wicked Twister being no exception.

8. Gatekeeper
Oh Gatekeeper, this coaster suffers from that Rougarou thing too - in any other park this huge B&M coaster would be the main event but at Cedar Point it falls short aside from forming part of that now iconic entrance shot. But it is a really fun coaster, smooth and floaty gliding seamlessly through each element and delivering exactly what I expect from a wing coaster - the feeling of flight. It was actually a great way to break up the intensity of some of the other rides we'd been on so I was very grateful for it!

7. Gemini
For some reason I expected this coaster to ride like absolute shite, so imagine my surprise when we had an absolute ball. Obviously the racing element helps as when you're interacting with the other train it helps distract from the duller elements, but Gemini was smooth and speedy with small pops of airtime here and there and way more fun than I ever thought it would be.

6. Millennium Force
Listen, if my first ride on this coaster were my only ride I managed during our visit, Millennium Force would be much further down on this list. We chose a back row ride for our first go and it delivered exactly zero moments of airtime. It was such a tease, every hill I braced myself to leave my seat and nothing happened. I found myself literally yelling at the coaster to give me something! I was so determined to enjoy it but I came off feeling short-changed. We re rode later in our visit and it may well have been an entirely different coaster in the front row - airtime aplenty and an intense rush of relentless speed for the entire duration. Second coming of coaster Christ as some enthusiasts would have you believe? Definitely not, but also way more fun than others would have you believe too.

5. Magnum XL-200
Oh my god this coaster. What the fuck. It was brutal but in a brilliant way. It's hard not to ride this with the Big One in mind - it's the obvious comparison to make especially for UK enthusiasts. And aside from the first drop I find the Big One pretty bland. Magnum XL-200, aside from the colour and train design, is nothing at all like the Big One in that it actually DOES things. Believe me when I say you will come off of this thing bruised- never have I experienced such relentless airtime, so ridiculous to the point that we were howling laughing because none of us could quite believe the craziness of the ride. Bloody brilliant.

4. Raptor
The absolute unexpected gem of the entire trip was fabulous Raptor. The more recent B&M inverts I'd ridden and the fact that nobody ever has a damn thing to say about this coaster had lead me into a false sense of not giving a fuck about riding this thing. I was fully expecting it to be a one-and-done as with Rougarou. The opening year should have given me a big clue as to the intensity that lay ahead - Raptor is absolutely relentless and smashes you with fabulous forces the entire layout. It's been a while since I've ridden a new-for-me big B&M invert and I was absolutely blown away - coming off of this reminded me of the first time I rode Stealth. Body coursing with adrenaline, huge grin ear to ear and gagging to get straight back on and do it all over again.

3. Top Thrill Dragster
I've already spoken at length about my opinions on Dragster but yh, I adore these coaster types, I love Intamin launches and urgh, Dragster delivers on all of my wildest dreams and more. I was absolutely shitting myself waiting for that first launch but what a thrill!

2. Maverick
Maverick is very very very very very very very very good.

1. Steel Vengeance
Obv.

Am I a proper enthusiast now? I'll be honest now I've actually BEEN to the Point I don't really know what to do with myself. Book another trip to go back, I guess?